We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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