so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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