whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
