The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
