how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
