I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
