everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
