we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You're like the curious george of whores
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
