Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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