I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he puts the penis in happiness.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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