Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
