on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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