Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
