On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
