I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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