does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
