she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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