Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
