im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
