Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
