We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
