Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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