dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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