Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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