Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
