Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
