And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
