ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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