Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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