My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
