i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
