Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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