At least make sure they are 18
Why
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
