My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
