I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
