he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
