bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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