So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I touched a dick in church today
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
