yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
