theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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