There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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