I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
