so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
