nut hugger
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
worst night to have a conscience
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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