I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize