I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
