Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
