She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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