90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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