My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
