At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
