So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
