im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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