Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish you could order shots online.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
