Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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