I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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