And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
