i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
