Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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