I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
