My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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