ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
