the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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