note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
