When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
