I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
