you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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