he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
