"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
