how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
