I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
