He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
