Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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