my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Found your dick twin last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
