just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
