The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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