And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
