I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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