I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
