Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
