HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
