I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize