i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
