the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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