Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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