Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
