whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well you can't waste a boner
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
