I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
