I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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