Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
