My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize