Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
