im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
