my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
