Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Randomize
