So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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