is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize