I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
