How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
