i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
