So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize