I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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