i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
